The Gap of Growth: The distance created as you grow

What is the Gap of Growth?

The gap of growth is the difference you notice between you and the people in your life as you start to get healthier and happier in every way. Think of it as an adult growth spurt, a.k.a. “puberty for your soul.” It’s a real thing, and you can see it, you can hear it, and you can feel it. Moving through it can be painful, confusing, awkward, lonely, embarrassing, and change the trajectory of your life forever.

So, while that’s very exciting, and you should be totally excited about it, it can still feel very painful because you’re so used to your comfort zone. You’re so used to what you already know, and the farther and farther and farther you get away, it starts to feel really scary. And the reason why is because you’re the only one doing it.

How Does the Gap of Growth Happen?

The gap of growth is a real thing. You literally become a different person than you were before doing the work. Your habits start to change as you take better care of your biology. All of the sudden, you’re not going out drinking every weekend anymore. Suddenly, you want to go on a hike on a Saturday instead of doing a bottomless mimosa brunch. 

Your mindset starts to change as you take care of your programming. Your self-worth starts to change. Suddenly, you know what you’re worth, and you know what you bring to the table. You know what makes you valuable. You love yourself, so that changes your behaviors, so you don’t put up with the same shit anymore. Your ability to set boundaries transforms as you learn how to communicate. So all of a sudden, you start telling people “No.” You start living a brand new life as you learn how to manifest. Now, you start living a whole brand new life that your friends never even thought you were capable of, and you’re off on another level.

Why the Gap of Growth is a Struggle

Why do we struggle when the gap of growth starts to happen? Old habits and programming die hard, and you begin to doubt yourself. The ego wants to stay safe and familiar. The ego is like, “No, stay safe. This is familiar,” but the soul is says “Please, I need more. I have to keep growing.” 

  • You feel guilty about leaving people behind who were there for you. 
  • You’re embarrassed to admit when you’ve been working on yourself. You’re afraid of people judging you and talking about you when you leave. You want to control what other people think and say about you. 
  • Your old identity got you very far, and it’s scary to let that survivor go.
  • Your new identity still feels fresh and vulnerable, so you end up staying in limbo.
  • It’s a very new thing when you start to grow, especially when everybody else around you isn’t doing this work.
  • Rescuer mode goes into overdrive because you begin to see people hurting everywhere.

Navigating the Gap of Growth

Instead of spending energy trying to hide this new part of who you are, just be you. Share your story of growth and invite others to share their struggles as well. Set boundaries and cut off draining interactions. Have compassion for your people. They don’t know what they don’t know. Happiness is where growth is. If you’re not growing, you’re not happy. Trust the process of growth because as doors close, new ones always open. As old relationships end, new ones evolve. Your relationships don’t end, they evolve, and it’s less painful when you think of it that way.

Allow all of your feelings to come up because it’s natural and it’s necessary. Give yourself permission to grieve your old self and your old relationships. Be excited for all the possibilities that are coming your way. Imagine your new circle of friends and how that will influence you. You have to focus on what’s possible, not worry about what you’re losing.