What Is Rescuer Mentality?
Rescuer mentality is compulsive, and it wants to jump in and fix and save the day. All of that “captain save a hoe” energy is rescuer mentality all day. it happens consciously and subconsciously, and it’s intertwined with codependency.
Rescuers are driven by the desire to be needed. You’re driven by the fear that if you’re not constantly rescuing, you’re not contributing, needed, or valuable in the world, and it becomes your identity. Your self-worth becomes based on your ability to help others versus knowing that you simply are worthy, regardless of what you do or what you produce.
Signs of Rescuer Mentality
Let’s go straight to the signs and symptoms and just create a trigger fest. You date or marry people you want to fix and save.You feel the need to fix and save your parents.You’ve been a rescuer from an early age. You feel responsible for people’s happiness. You insist on helping people even when it’s not needed. You neglect your own needs and always think of others first. You hope you will be recognized and admired for your rescuing skills. You experience a lot of feelings of frustration and resentment. You are often drained and exhausted from doing things for other people. You feel extremely guilty when you can’t be there for someone. You think you know best about what works for others. You want other people to need you so you feel worthy. That is 100% rescuer mentality.
The Dangers of Rescuer Mentality
When we play the rescuer, or we asked to be rescued, all we’re doing is perpetuating dysfunctional relationships. When we continue to play the rescuer, we lose our identity because we’re taking the focus off of ourselves. This is the danger of you playing the rescuer. And when you lose your identity, you know what happens? You get anxious. It deteriorates your health because your cup is drying out.
Here’s another sneaky danger in all of this. When you are playing the rescuer, you’re actually projecting that the recipient is weak, damaging the relationship. Being a rescuer sets progress back for everyone in any situation. Setting boundaries and practicing radical responsibility is the most compassionate thing you can do at the end of the day.
What Causes Rescuer Mentality?
What is underlying the rescuer mentality? Why do we do this in the first place? Abandonment. Anything that feels like where you’ve just been left out in the ocean, that’s where it starts. So then what do you do? You don’t take care of yourself.
Instead, you focus on taking care of everyone else—fear of outbursts, bullying, rejection, and persecution. You always stay two steps ahead of being rejected by always being the useful and helpful one. Growing up, being around people who are victims, growing up or being around persecutors.
And here’s another sneaky one. You don’t have to focus on yourself if you’re always focused on others. Everybody else tells you their problems, so you don’t have to even think about or consider or look at your problems. As a matter of fact, you get to kind of stay up on a pedestal in some ways.
Your anxiety, low self-esteem, low self-confidence, low self-worth, and low self-love causes you to become a rescuer. So, ultimately, it’s just another form of projecting your own shit. That’s it.
How To Overcome Rescuer Mentality
How do you step out of the triangle? Stepping out of the triangle means that you’re not playing these roles. So first things first, you gotta get in your body regularly and become sensitive to sensation. For you to be aware of your own impulsivity because remember being a rescuer is compulsive. In order for you to get sensitive to that sensation, you gotta consciously get in your body.
You must remove your projections, stories, and limiting beliefs. So once again, that means that this is your shit. You got to recognize your triggers, zoom out and look at the truth of what the situation is. Get super proficient at taking care of your needs first. And to get proficient, you have to know what your needs are too. You have to be able to name them, you have to be able to claim them.
You have to be able to communicate them. You have to purposely design a healthy body, mind, and life with intention. When you do that, you will naturally repel toxic situations and people and naturally attract more abundance and love.