How to Create Conscious Relationships

What is a Conscious Relationship?

A conscious relationship is a relationship that is created with intention, purpose, and clarity. There are clear boundaries, agreements, and choices around the direction where the relationship is going and why. A conscious relationship can be in any form. We don’t have to be talking about this in the context of just romantic relationships. Your co-workers, your friends. All of that. Conscious relationships are about being committed to self-awareness, understanding our own minds, thoughts, shadows, and cycles. It is about being committed to always coming back to the love, to a higher purpose and intention. It’s a way of being. It’s a way of living, and it’s a way of showing up in the world.

Why We Lose Ourselves In Relationships

We have to learn how to build healthy boundaries and stick to them. Because here’s the thing. Once you get into a relationship and start slipping on your boundaries, you’re teaching the other person you’re willing to compromise on what you are willing to tolerate. You’re teaching the other person that your boundaries don’t matter. You’re teaching the other person that they don’t have to respect your boundaries either. And it’s not even that they’re necessarily trying to do that on purpose. But it just all happened because there was no communication. We have to remember that subconsciously we’re constantly teaching each other what’s okay and what’s not okay with our verbal and nonverbal cues. It’s super important to make your boundaries known early on. State them, stick with them, follow-through, and act on them.


How to Avoid Common Relationship Problems

You’ve got to get to know yourself better than anyone else could ever know you. First, you have to know your own blind spots and do your shadow work. It’s basically knowing your shit, knowing your tendencies, knowing your bad behavior, the things that you do that are actually self-sabotaging. 

Learn how to be safe in your body and learn how to soothe yourself. No matter what situation or event or life throws at you, know how to be secure within yourself. Learn how to soothe yourself so that you’re not dependent, so you’re not reliant on other people. So you’re not trying to get other people to make you feel a certain way or try to control how they are around you or how they treat you. You can find that security and that safety within yourself.


Be the Best Partner Ever

We often make this massive checklist of what we want in other people. But we never actually stopped to think, “Can I even show up in that way?” Put that mirror up to yourself. Do you have these qualities within you? “I want people to be honest with me, but am I honest with myself?” “Am I honest with other people?” You want people to be reliable and dependable, but maybe you’re flaky. Conscious relationships are all about you knowing yourself and showing up in that integrity first. If that is something that you’re looking for, if that is really important to you, then really think about what you want in your partner and then list it all out and then go through that list. “Do you have these qualities within you?” And then if you are single and you feel like some things really jump out at you because well, obviously we’re not perfect, think about how you can start to work on those things within yourself.


Understanding yourself is Key

Be committed to understanding your own mind before you try to analyze the other person. How many of us have done that? We’re all trying to figure out what the other person is thinking. We’re all trying to figure out what the other person is feeling. Don’t worry about that. Worry about yourself. Why are you even getting caught up and preoccupied with that anyway? Refocus back to yourself every single time. This will allow you the space to take ownership before you go into blaming and shaming. Make self-inquiry the first response to conflict so that you can stay in your integrity and confidence.


Fostering Great Relationships 

Relationships thrive because you can give and receive freely when your cup is full. Start with a conscious self. It all starts within, our relationship with ourselves. A strong foundation of self-love and self-acceptance paves the way for a conscious relationship. It has to start with you. When we are right within ourselves, we will be able to be right with others. When your cup is full, you have high self-love and are so on top of your game you’re not gonna be tripping about somebody else giving to you. And you’re not gonna be tripping whether or not you’re able to show up for that other person because all of your shit is already taken care of. You’re handling it. You’re good.


How to be in a Conscious Relationship

Your relationships should naturally integrate with lifestyle and practices you already have and not disrupt them. How many times have we been doing our thing? We meet somebody, we get super excited all of a sudden, all of your plans, your schedules, your lifestyle, it all just kind of gets rocked. You start canceling plans and moving things around that you normally wouldn’t do. You create disruptions that wouldn’t happen if this other person wasn’t in your life. A conscious relationship should naturally integrate into your life. 

In a conscious relationship, you should be moving along your journey nice and easy. You’re doing your thing with your ebbs and flows. That other person comes along, and It’s like, “Oh, hey, can we hang out?” “Can we play?” “Yeah, cool!” And you’re just going along every now and again, you kind of cross each other’s paths. You do some family events, you go to each other’s friends’ houses, and build from there. At the end of the day, you’re just moving alongside each other, not getting all tangled up and stuck.

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