Getting out of Victim Mentality

What is Victim Mentality?

When you’re in victim mentality, that’s how you stay stuck. Victim mentality is a psychological term to describe a dysfunctional mindset that seeks to feel persecuted to get attention or avoid ownership and responsibility. It is a belief and mindset that there is always an external factor keeping one from growing or changing. The belief causes or results in constant blaming and shaming, finger-pointing, and pity parties. It is fueled by pessimism, resentment, bitterness, anger, and fear.

Signs You Have Victim Mentality

  • You tend to lead with cynicism and pessimism. 
  • You often feel powerlessness and a sense of impossibleness. 
  • You complain and talk shit even when things are actually going right. 
  • You constantly complain about how everyone else is making you miserable. 
  • You often see things that happen to you as a catastrophe. 
  • You blame, attack or accuse those you love for how you feel. 
  • You feel attacked when you’re held accountable or called out. 
  • You connect with others who complain, blame or feel victimized by life.
  • You have low self-confidence in your ability to succeed. 
  • You doubt your ability to see or make a change. 
  • You isolate yourself and believe that no one gets you.
  • You constantly put yourself down. 
  • You enjoy feeling sorry for yourself. 
  • You refuse to accept love. 
  • And last but not least, you refuse to accept yourself.

Where Does Victim Mentality Come From?

How did I even end up being in this victim mentality place? It always starts with our early life conditioning. It can stem from abandonment and neglect, traumatic events and abuse, physical, psychological, emotional, sexual, observing dysfunctional patterns, and codependency in the household. With all this said, y’all, while it is not our fault that we experience these things as children, it is our responsibility as adults to break these patterns. This is where we have to let go of the victim and say, “Okay, I will take it from here. I’m gonna break these patterns. As my adult self, I’m gonna put on my big girl, big boy pants, and I am going to break these patterns.”

How To Get Out of Victim Mentality

The opposite of victim mentality is radical responsibility. I can either radically take ownership over my life or stay in playing the victim. The way out is by practicing: 

  • Radical ownership
  • Taking immediate and imperfect action
  • Have gratitude and appreciation for yourself and others  (you cannot be grateful and a victim at the same time. They don’t go together, they are like oil and water)
  • Performing acts of kindness for other people
  • Self-reflection, “How are my thoughts or actions helping me grow?” Use “I” statements rather than “You always do this.” “You never do that.” 

The only way for us to stay out of victim mentality is by actually having accountability woven into your life. People who live in victim mentality avoid taking accountability for their own lives.